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with Lana Lynn Mareno

‘I am sick of being a parent to my partner’!!!

I am more and more seeing clients that i can relate to when it comes to being the ‘parent’ in a relationship to their other half!

It’s always interesting to see how we just casually fall into relationships we are attracted to yet fall out of that relationship when the ‘parent’ other half does not meet our expectations.

My personal journey with relationships was always based on the belief, i needed to be looked after. I call it the Surrogate Father / Mother Syndrome where i believed men had to take care of me on every level, in return, i would take care of them and be submissive.

Now at the mature end of life, i can see through my current relationship that has shown me the reason why i held this belief. His needs to be cared for and similarity in both our childhood experiences, led me to believe that there was never enough love because, there was not outwardly so, i had to earn it which historically kept me on the wheel of letting others control me in order to get all my needs met in my early development through compromising my needs and moral values which are building blocks for self worth and self esteem. The need to be controlled walked out the door and i became autonomous – after much self work .

When we use power and control as a weapon for getting love , we always will loose that battle as we watch ourselves turn into the parent we did not want to become based under the core belief that we have to succeed, be better at what we do, get approval, bow to others or , compromise our integral core values to become submissive in getting love.

Energetically, our early childhood experiences can teach us that we have no control when parent/s abuse us on any level, abandon us ,reject us, dismiss our greatness as little beings, choose one sibling over another favourably in order to sort out themselves as adult/s ( the wheel keeps turning !) as well as detaching from us as well as themselves, so why would we want to be a child between 1-7 when our stability , security and sense’s are developing ?

The arrested development of the child when tantrums are a no no or, when a child is punished because of repressed parental anger they project onto their child, creates a confusion which then freezes the child emotionally and mentally in a time locked zone.

In adulthood, energetically we can choose our partners to match our trauma or, try our best to become the idealised parent we never had to our child /partner.This is my story and my experience has given me reason to understand my life’s patterns i can choose to change. This is a painful process but, a worthy one. To let the child in you go through the process of unconscious grief while you parent her /him which is a powerful courageous choice but, a rewarding one when you become empowered to be able to let go of the integral Core belief of ” I must make my parent/s happy in order to be loved.”

We are loved by our parent /s because there is an energetic bond that cannot be broken but sadly through their story ( ancestral or current) and their pain and for whatever reasons, they could not show us or give the love we needed through their own unresolved issues .

In the early stages of life, this is all we know. How to love. We will do anything, compromise everything, for that love that sometimes, leads us into the adulthood stage with unresolved issues around lack and nothing will bring back the loss of that early childhood experience. As an adult, we can logically understand from a cognitive perspective that we were loved but coming from parents who were not together, or a mother or father who had so much stuff going on, emotional intelligence is not properly developed to understand anything outside the absences of neutering and unconditioned love.

But what about the anger and frustration that can turn into resentment ? where do those suppressed feeling’s and emotions go? They fester. Physically and mentally, we can become sick, paralysed with fear of growing up or having to learn to take responsibility and self accountability for ourselves instead of reliance on the absent parent.

The cycle can be easily broken once forgiveness takes place and the Inner Child can begin to truly trust the adult self it has merged with. Growth then can happen spontaneously. We can become the adult, looking at the adult not, the child longing for the adult to see them which, will never happen. Life and relationships take on a new meaning, freedom becomes obvious and exciting. Our partner will also feel this and the magic of change happens.

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Why Do We ‘Rescue’ People?

Well, if we were listened too or nurtured properly there is a possibility that we as adults we wouldn’t feel the need to ‘rescue’ others. What I am finding more and more with clients coming specifically with energetic blocks, feeling burned out and so on is, when you go into their story, they are tired. Tired of life, tired of trying to make relationships work, tired of trying to hold everything together. There comes a point where the physical body say’s ‘ Ive had enough ‘ ! Sickness and dis-ease can only breed when there is an imbalance in the emotional and mental fields. To love oneself properly, we can learn one simple word. NO. this though is hard for many.

Lets take a case scenario. Parent/s are working all the time. Little child needs attention. Absent parent equals dependant on anyone who will look after them. The rescue bit comes in when the child learns to say yes to everything and everyone ( in some cases of development where an adult has dependancy issues ).

The Inner Child is constant in the search for love and will do anything to get it. From there, going into rescue mode is a way of getting conditioned love back. Abandoning the self means compromising yourself to make others feel better about themselves. Unconditional love is, ‘I will help You but I cannot save you”. From here, you are on the way to a healthier relationship with yourself and others.

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Workshop feedback 30/8/2018

Hi Lana,

I wanted to say thank you for presenting on Thursday evening and hosting the energy healing workshop on Saturday.
I am really pleased we met and I had the opportunity to find out more about a subject I previously knew very little about. Being in Bristol seems to be giving me the opportunity to explore areas of interest I didn’t know I had!!

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Inner Child Workshop 10th June 2018 . Bristol

Recently I’ve noticed a lot of activity from clients with issues around childhood.

I don’t know why the universe is throwing this up but it makes me think of how connected we all are. In my childhood, I never always felt safe, there was a lack of consistency in all departments. Emotions, mental state and physical disorders that kept me unconsciously aware that something was always wrong. Well, now, as an adult, I can completely relate to a lot of people I see whose childhoods were affected or interrupted  for whatever reason.

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Energy Healing on the Heart Chakra Feb 3rd/4th Clifton Bristol

A 2 day workshop exploring the Heart Chakra in relation to how much we hold at the level of the Astral Field.

Bringing a desire to opening the self up to look at how much the Physical health is affected by the blockages that cause  Illness. The seat of emotional consciousness, the Heart Chakra is paramount as the bridge between the human conditioning and the Spiritual bodies

( 5th, 6th, and 7th Chakras ).

The day will include awareness in what one is holding from their past to help the transformational work by letting go of so many things relating to life and experiences.

Sorrow , grief, sadness, pain , bitterness, resentment , all emotions that prevent the life force from flowing within.

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Memo to self: For new year, take a break.

Almost every year as we head towards Christmas , I get angst about everything. The Solstice on 21.st December can be a time for some to enjoy as the midwinter period when an astronomical phenomenon takes place marking the day with the shortest period of daylight and the longest night of the year.  It all seems so surreal. Energetic change taking place all the time stirring people into a frenzy of desperation or stillness.

The madness of the holiday for some only serve’s to give them the excuse to forget all their troubles and woes. Everything that is and has happened to them, has to be put away until well, the holidays are over.

Definitely, I am not a party pooper but the reality is, when do we take a break from the world and focus on our inner most essential part of our being ? Not often because the external world can expect most of us to put on a great smile, have a cup of tea and enjoy the seasonal day to day world by joining in with the collective festive seasonal love.

But if we put aside whats really going on, how do we deal with whats going on  internally?  The monkey brain of self critisim  that never stops. The self judgement of guilt making us believe that we are  not doing enough to make others happy and the jury mind which will dissect  every thought to come up with a verdict for you to survive the holidays to suit others.

When we are going through inner crisis emotionally it can  touch on others emotions so we create an energetic disharmony within them that they for whatever reason, cannot deal with. I know someone who was told she was too miserable and not christmasy enough by her own sister and not being cheery enough, spoiling others fun  knowing that her husband had left her only a few months earlier.

We are human and the human conditioning can be in our favour when and as it requires. The key to essential living is taking a break every so often. Give time for gratitude, joy, and above all, self love. Putting feelings aside to deal with later won’t help in the long term. Today is all we have. ‘To thine own self , be true.’ A fabulous quote that I read once and try to go by in times of disharmony.

Reflection gives time and space to think of all the positive aspects of the season that can get you through no matter how bad life is by facing the issues, addressing them, becoming aware of what needs to change which will ultimatley, keep you in the now. Ask for support from a trusted person who loves you unconditionally.A good listening ear can be the answer to helping you to make positive decisions.

Bring life to your inner most loving part. You.Taking  a break  from the self that is connected to the madness of the world and remembering, if you believe that we are  spirit living the human experience, we can choose to let go of old thought patterns and behaviours to start seeing a new way of being in the world which leads you to authentic joy and happiness.

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Cutting Through The Crap !!

Thank you for today- I think it was a long time coming for me to face up to certain things and let go of what no longer serves me. You have a way of cutting through the crap and getting to the heart of the matter. ( from a client)

Confirmation is always welcome as a reminder, it is not about me. As a practitioner of Integral Core Therapy it speaks for itself.

When we speak about the ‘crap’ in our life we are speaking about what no longer nurtures us ( Core beliefs ) or supports our journey.
How much value do you put on yourself and your life, your happiness frame and the structure of happiness?

When we are ready , we are ready. There comes that defining moment of letting go and the funny thing is, sometimes we are not aware that we have already let go !
The physical will heal once we address the imbalance of emotional and mental pain . Spiritual awareness comes as a result of owning the ‘crap’, dealing with it and stepping out.😉☯️
Become the better version of you today.

December 2017.

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